I've been reading throught the last page of posts here. Sorry to hear about your troubles Que. Woah! Not one, but two dead players. That's terrible luck. My player has been working perfectly since I received it. No problems at all with sound.
Sersoft, my player from Uxcell has the same startup screen as yours,(an animated guard playing a tuba--and a wizard waving for the goodbye screen).
I've been using my player at work as well to surft the internet. I've loaded
Firefox Portable on it and can access the Internet with the player hooked up via USB. I've loaded my bookmarks on it and can surf at work anonymously now! 8) I also have Sudoku portable on it as well since I'm addicted to this game.
I'll be buying another player next year. I'll be looking if there are newer players coming out next year or else I'll just pick up another Glacier as I'm happy with it.